Why Me?

I promise that this blog will not be a 'woe is me, I have cancer' experience. But I do think that I deserve one post like this.

Why me?  Why us?  Infertility was devastating enough, now uterine cancer?  I am a good person. My husband is a good person.

I have always worked hard. I try my best to take care of myself, eat well, exercise. I take care of people at the hospital everyday who do not do these things and I do not judge.

We both love kids.  When I was little, I was disappointed that I didn't get to have a baby sister or brother (although now I see that being the youngest definitely has it's perks).  I started to babysit as soon as I was allowed.  I volunteered in a daycare center and a hospital rocking babies. My husband still spends a crazy amount of time coaching little kids hockey. We love, love, love our nieces, nephews, and our goddaughter.

I have always dreamed about being a mother to three or four blonde, curly haired kids.   I always imagined being pregnant and breastfeeding.  Now I don't know if I can have even one of those things.

Even if things go well for us with my treatment, we will not be able to choose how many kids we want, spaced as we want them.  Don't get me wrong, it is a miracle of modern medicine that we might even be able to have a child with my diagnosis. Years ago, I would already have had a hysterectomy by now. But this is my 'why me' post, so why me?

For the past year, we have planned to buy a house in the suburbs, at least 4 bedrooms to fit all of the kids we planned. Will we be able to fill those bedrooms?

Because it's my personality, I have to end even this post saying that I know that we will get through this and become parents, one way or another.  Our little miracles might not have my blond, curly hair but they will be ours.  And wow they will be loved!