Wednesday, February 22, 2012

One Year

It has been one year. One year since we first heard the word cancer. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

We have come a long way in the last year but we still have a long way to go.

I feel very fortunate to have had such wonderful support from my husband, our families, our friends, and my work. I couldn't have made it this far without you all. Thank you for your support, even when I didn't feel like talking (or blogging)...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What to do?

At my last appointment, my gyn-onc gave me her plan for continuing my treatment.  She had discussed the plan with her partner and at their tumor board conference.  They felt that my pathology was somewhat better but not yet normal.  They want me to continue the megace at the same max dose for 3 months (April) and then have another hysteroscopy/D&C.  If the pathology is normal at that time, they want me to again continue megace for another 3 months (July) and then have another D&C.  If that pathology is still normal, then they would release me to do fertility treatments.  If the April D&C is still not normal they could recommend a hysterectomy at that time but would let us do an IVF cycle to retrieve eggs to potentially use a surrogate in the future.  Why is this the plan?  They are concerned that I could potentially be harboring some malignant cells that the D&C did not find.  I asked her about using a progesterone IUD and she said that she has not used them often and does not place them herself.  She did say that we could try it in addition to megace if we wanted and that she could find someone who could put it in for me.

As I told you recently, the megace is kind of kicking my butt.  I am thrilled that it has been working and that the pathology has been gradually getting better, but I do not want to take it any longer than necessary.  Also, every time I have another D&C, they warn me that this can create scarring in the uterus which could make it difficult for a normal endometrial lining to develop and a pregnancy to implant.  So I don’t quite understand why they would want me to continue on megace and have another surgical procedure even if the pathology is normal.  To me, normal pathology screams “get pregnant now!” 

I am fortunate to have my father also in the medical field.  His gyn-onc colleague has reviewed my pathology reports and said that he would have me get pregnant now!  And he said the same thing after my last surgery! 

To say the least, I am confused about what to think.  I know that this condition is rare in young people like me and there are no set protocols, but how can two physicians have such different opinions.  If I wasn’t in the medical field myself (I have read ALL of the research) and with a physician father, I might never have known that there even are different opinions.  And those different opinions could mean the difference between a hysterectomy and a pregnancy, a baby!

So, what to do?  Do I continue with my conservative physician?  Do I go see my dad’s colleague in Florida, far from home in the mid-Atlantic?  Do I try to find someone else closer to home who might tell me news I want to hear?

The Past Tense

I saw a new doctor today.  More on that later but he said something that really hit me. 

“You had cancer.”  Past tense.

So I don’t have cancer anymore…  This makes me feel good.

I feel good in a cautious way because I am not yet clear to have what I have always wanted, my own child.  But I still feel good.